What's Holding You Back?

Valorie Burton is a bestselling author, speaker, and life coach dedicated
to helping you:

  • Be happier and have more fun, even when life seems routine.
  • Navigate setbacks or disappointments that make you better, not bitter.
  • Make a major life change that's exciting and scary at the same time.

Don’t Go It Alone!

The most persistent fear I have repeatedly overcome is a fear of rejection. The irony of this people-pleasing fear is that it can manifest in a lot of behaviors, one of which is solitude. Without consciously connecting your fear with your choices, those whose core fear is rejection can make a habit of going it alone – insisting they are independent rather than scared, focused rather than collaborative. Perhaps you can relate.

Years passed before it occurred to me how solitary my work is. I write alone. I speak on a stage alone. And in my years of coaching, I coached alone – by phone. For ten years, I worked from home, my team scattered about in their home offices in other states. Until one day, a couple of years after moving to Atlanta – alone – I no longer had the grace to work in such solitude. For ten years, I’d wanted to work from home. Then suddenly, I resented it.

“Alone” is where moments of inspiration unfold. “Alone” is also where moments of isolation steal your joy. We must have a balance. I was passionate and purposeful in my work, but something was missing: Connection. On my journey to more joy these last few years, it is connection that has transformed my life. I made it a professional goal, not simply to inspire and achieve, but to connect. I got an office, hired my first full-time employee to work alongside me – literally, not remotely. Then I expanded our coach training program to include a six-month certification program – twice a week live webinars in coaching, positive psychology and business development. In the beginning, I created and taught every subject, every class – alone. Again, something was missing: Connection. I wanted others to teach, not just me. And if I thought about it, I knew a lot of talented, experienced, passionate experts who would impact our students and do this vision together with me.

Everything in life is more meaningful when you make connection the goal. Connection isn’t “networking.” It is isn’t simply collaboration. It isn’t just communication. Connection is love. It is the moment, however brief, when your soul aligns with another and you serve one another’s needs in some way. It could be a smile, a touch, an idea, a word of encouragement, or act of support. But connection makes life and work juicy.

So I began inviting others into the process – people who could carry the vision forward, teach the curriculum I created, and do this thing with me together. To be honest, it was hard to let go. “Will they get it right?” I worried. “Will the students complain?” I took the leap. They got it right. No one complained. In fact, I don’t even think they missed me! Today, we have five instructors who are as passionate as I am. We have graduated hundreds of students whose lives are transformed. And I don’t go it alone.

LaFern Batie, Kim DuBrul, Christine Duvivier, Breon Michel and Lisa Sansom bring coaching to life in ways unique to their powerful experience – and that makes the program richer than it could ever be from my just my perspective. As for me personally, I just have a whole lot more fun. The first time I sat in one of our training events while Kim and LaFern tag-teamed to teach felt like someone truly had my back. The responsibility was now shared. The program could run without me! We collaborated on improvements. We laughed together. We’ve created an experience – for our coaching students and ourselves – that could never be replicated in isolation, but only through the beauty of authentic connection.

Journaling assignment:
In what way(s) are you trying to go it alone? What would connection give you that is currently missing in a project or goal of yours?


Next step:

Reach out. Connect. Don’t go it alone.

For more on how to get unstuck, pre-order my brand new book Get Unstuck, Be Unstoppable and get three free gifts! Click HERE for details.

For info on our last Coach Training Intensive of the year, click here.

5 Lessons to Remember When You Are Feeling Stuck, Frustrated, or Unsure!

As I journaled one day about the lessons God has offered me thus far in life, this is what came to me. Perhaps you’ve learned these along your journey as well. Sometimes in the hectic pace of life, we need a reminder, and that is what I am here to offer you today: 

 

1.  Nothing Is Permanent.

I first learned this lesson at six years old, which was the first time my family moved. We left my birthplace of Florida and moved to Germany. I moved eight times by the age of 21 – to cities in Colorado, South Carolina, California, back to Florida, and later to Texas. Growing up in an Air Force family, I quickly learned to adapt to new circumstances, new people, and sometimes even a new country.

Nothing in life is permanent – a fact that should encourage you to revel in the joy your life brings, and minimize your frustration when you encounter circumstances you don’t like. There is something in your life right now that is not permanent. If it is something you love, in what way can you embrace and enjoy it more? If it’s something you dread, just hold on a little longer. This too shall pass.

2. You are Either Living on Purpose or Living by Accident. 

 

Too many people wander through life haphazardly – latching on to people, jobs, and things just because they crossed their path. Then they wake up one day wondering, “How on earth did I get here?” I call it “living by accident.” In order to create a fulfilling life, you have to be purposeful in your decisions.

Don’t make your decisions without reflecting on how your decision will impact you long-term. Pursue the things that empower you to express your values and talents. Choose to be around people you feel good being around – inspiring, supportive people who are moving in the same direction as you. Know your purpose, and live in it every day in your work, relationships, health, finances, and spiritual life. In what way do you need to begin living more on purpose?

3.  Fear Does Not Necessarily Mean ‘Stop’.  

 

 Fear is as powerful as you allow it to be. Most of us feel fear and interpret that feeling as a warning to stop moving forward. In truth, we should interpret most fear as a natural emotion that pops up every time we venture to do something outside of our comfort zone.

When you feel fear, keep moving. It’ll stretch you beyond your comfort zone and closer to your goals. What are you afraid of right now that is keeping you from your best life? Will you make a decision to move forward despite your fear?

4.  Less is More.

More than ever, our culture is fixated on proving your worth through your money and material possessions.   Entire televisions shows are dedicated to showing you all the stuff other people have. After a while, it can be pretty challenging not to compare your “stuff” to everyone else’s.

True self-empowerment comes from knowing that nothing material will ever prove your worth. Your worth comes from who you are – a child of God – and the impact you make in the lives of others. Don’t worry about impressing everyone else. Instead, focus on impressing God by living the purpose for which He created you: Serving and blessing others in a way that only you can.

5. The Power to Change Your Life is in the Choices You Make.

This is perhaps the most powerful of lessons. Better choices create better circumstances. It’s not what happens to you that most impacts your life. It is how you respond. Your choices create your future. What kind of future are you creating with the choices you are making today?

You can choose to enjoy your life or to be miserable. You can choose to be flexible or keep hitting a brick wall at work or in a relationship. You can choose to pursue your dreams or keep making excuses for why you can’t achieve them. The choice is ours. What new choice do you need to make in your life?

My challenge to you:

From the list of five lessons above or the list you created when you journaled, choose the one that you most need to apply to your life right now. Make a decision to take an action in the next 48 hours that will enrich your life in a meaningful way.

Journaling Questions:

What is the most important lesson your life is offering you right now? How will you apply this lesson in your future? Leave your comments below, I’d love to hear from you!