Dear Friend,
While interning for a minor league sports team during graduate school, I heard rumblings one afternoon that civil rights icon Rosa Parks was in the building. Our offices were in the civic center, and she was coming through Tallahassee for a brief appearance. The team coach, a Canadian man who would have been alive when Mrs. Parks defiantly - and famously - spoke up for her rights on a city bus in 1955, was determined to see her.
I'm going to see if I can meet her," he exclaimed, and headed out the door.
I remember thinking, "I want to go, too! But who am I? I'm just an intern - a 21 year old student. I don't want to bother the coach with this. I would love to meet Mrs. Parks, but I don't want to bother her, either. I'm sure she doesn't have time to stop and talk to random strangers."
About 45 minutes later, the coach excitedly and proudly walked back into the office. "I met her!" he said. "And got a photo, too." Then he looked at me. "You should have come with me." My heart sank.
"What was I thinking?" I thought. If only I'd spoken up.
This week, as I reminisce about this story and things others have shared with me recently, I feel led to challenge you to speak up. Too often, we bury our voice out of fear - irrational fear about what we have the right to ask for, what others will think, or how they will respond. Whether you need to speak up by asking for what you want, defending yourself, or expressing your feelings, know that speaking up is about honoring what you know to be true for you. It's the reason I wrote the book Why Not You? - to help you raise your awareness of the ways in which doubt causes you to hesitate so that you can intentionally defeat it.
The longer you bury your own voice, the more frustrated and angry you become. In an area in which you've been silent for too long, how could you respectfully and authentically allow your voice to emerge. Whether "speaking up" means asking someone to return something that's been borrowed from you or letting someone know a boundary has been crossed, here are some things to consider:
1. Be authentic.
Just be you. Refuse to allow fear to keep you from saying what you need to say. Sometimes that means being willing to be vulnerable. Don't worry about what others think. Be true to you.
2. Know the power within you. Nothing changes until something is communicated. Your words, when used wisely and authentically, have the power to initiate change, express feelings, and uplift the world around you. Be intentional about how you use that power.
3. Don't let your emotions rule you. Your emotions are teachers. Pay attention to them, and ask, "What message is this emotion sending me right now? What could I do differently as a result?" Speaking up is not about saying everything on your mind, but saying the things that need to be said. That sometimes means taking a deep breath or even a few days to evaluate what needs to be said and when.
4. Consider the right timing.
There is a time for everything. Sometimes the time is now, and sometimes it is later. If it's now, don't let your opportunity pass you by. If it is something that needs more thought and consideration, don't force the issue. Consider whether the environment, momentary emotions and frame of mind of both parties are right. Follow your intuition.
5. Get to the point. Don't beat around the bush with what you have to say. Just say it! If you have a particularly difficult conversation you need to have, write down your thoughts so you don't get flustered in the moment.
6. Acknowledge yourself for having the courage to speak up! Even if you don't say what you have to say exactly as you had hoped, give yourself credit for speaking up. It's tempting to rehash a conversation and critique what you should have said. When you start down that path, ask, "What would I rather do the next time I find myself in that type of conversation?" Then move on. Change is a process. Give yourself the grace to be imperfect and the encouragement to grow.
My challenge to you this week:
Speak up! Just say it. You know what "it" is. :)
Journaling assignment:
In what area(s) of your life have you been burying your voice or not speaking up when you want to? What do you need to say? When is the best time to say it? What action will you take this week?
Until next time ...
Warm wishes,
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Valorie Burton, a life coach and speaker, is the author of Listen to Your Life, Rich Minds, Rich Rewards, What's Really Holding You Back?, Why Not You? and her latest, How Did I Get So Busy? The 28-Day Plan to Free Your Time, Reclaim Your Schedule and Reconnect with What Matters Most. Subscribe to her FREE, inspirational e-newsletter at
www.valorieburton.com.
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