"How am I going to pay for all of these Christmas gifts?" 

 

"Whose house are we going to this year?"

 

If you're like most folks, these are the kinds of questions you ask during the holidays.  They are not bad questions, except if your budget is tight, you don't want to buy gifts for everyone who expects them, or you'd rather spend Christmas at your house than someone else's this year.  A lot of stress comes from asking the wrong questions.  If you want the right answers to decrease your stress and enhance your quality of life, you have to ask the right questions.  So I've come up with seven questions to help you coach yourself to a more meaningful, less stressful holiday season:
 
1.       What do I want to feel this holiday season?
Ultimately, the memories we create generate a feeling or emotion.  Pinpoint the experience you'd like to create this holiday season.  Do you want to feel generous? Joyful? Hopeful?  Connected to family?
 
2.       What activities or decisions would give me that feeling?
When you know what you want to feel, it is easier to create a plan of action.  Be specific.  If you need help answering this question, have a conversation with a friend or family member to generate ideas.
 
3.       Who do I want to impact or influence this holiday season?
We are happiest when we are making a difference for someone else.  Don't let the season go by without thinking about who you have the opportunity to serve.
 
4.       What will I do to make that impact or have that influence?
Again, be specific.  Think of the most direct and meaningful way you can make an impact or have a positive influence.
 
5.       What do I not want this holiday season?
Sometimes it's just as important to know what you don't want as it is to know what you do want.  Past experiences can often help you get clarity about what doesn't work for you.  Is being responsible for the big family dinner too much of a burden?  Has excessive spending created a debt hangover in the past?  Does it make you sad to be away from family during the holidays? Identify what you don't want.
 
6.       What will I need to do to ensure I don't get what I don't want?
After you clarify what you don't want, clarify what needs to happen to make sure you don't get that result this year.  Maybe you need to ask for help with the cooking, spend only cash, or plan to visit loved ones instead of staying home alone.  Whatever it is, make a plan.
 
7.       What do I need to give myself permission to do (or not do)?
Sometimes you just need to give yourself permission to make a change.  Just because you've always done something doesn't mean you have to keep doing it.  If your budget is tight this year, give yourself permission to buy fewer or less expensive gifts.  If you don't want to go to a certain Christmas party, give yourself permission to decline the invitation.  If you don't want to travel this year, give yourself permission not to.  Likewise, if you want to start a new tradition, start it!  If you want to sponsor a family who doesn't have the money to buy gifts for their children, do it.  Stop holding back.  Give yourself permission.  As an adult, you're the only one who can.

 

My challenge to you:
Be intentional as you enter the holiday season.  Create a meaningful experience that reflects your values, your budget, and your vision.

 

Coaching question:
Which of the seven questions above resonates most with you?  Why?  What will you do differently as a result?