How do you know if your marriage will stand the test of time? What if there were a formula that predicted whether you could make it through tough times? According to a group of researchers and psychologists at the Relationship Research Institute, there is a way to answer these questions with more than 90% accuracy. In studies of over 500 couples, analyzed for their negative and positive interactions with one another during discussions on thorny topics such as money and budgeting, the researchers predicted with 94% accuracy who would still be married a decade later. What’s the secret?

Even when the conversation gets heated or difficult, the couples who stay married have at least five positive interactions for every negative. When couples fall below this 5:1 ratio, they tend to divorce within ten years. So what does this mean for your love life? Negative words and emotions are more powerful than positive, so one negative must be balanced with at least five positives.

If he overspent for the third month in a row, despite your agreed-upon budget, don’t let the discussion spiral downward into attacks on his character and a laundry list of everything else he’s done wrong this month. Stick to the issue at hand and the outcomes you want, such as “predictability in your budget” or “the ability to trust him when he makes a commitment.”

Achieving the 5:1 ratio isn’t just about words, but about connection. If there is something he’s done well, acknowledge it. If he struggles with balancing the checkbook, empathize and discuss a solution. A show of empathy amounts to a positive interaction and so does the acknowledgement of something good. Holding hands at some point during the discussion would be another positive, for example. When your spouse knows that you’re upset about the behavior, but still value him in that moment as your partner, he will be more open to making an effort to improve.

Importantly, the 5:1 ratio isn’t all about just being positive. The ratio has an upper limit, according to other research psychologists. When the positive to negative ratio exceeds 11:1, the “formula” no longer works. No relationship can be all positive, all the time. Couples must be able to tell each other the truth when something is wrong, share frustrations, and be angry. Staying together isn’t just about being happy all the time. It’s about making sure the negatives don’t overpower the positives.

Valorie Burton is a professional speaker, life coach and the author of five books, including What’s Really Holding You Back?, Listen to Your Life, and How Did I Get So Busy? The 28-Day Plan to Free Your Time, Reclaim Your Schedule and Reconnect with What Matters Most. Subscribe to her free e-newsletter at www.valorieburton.com and follow her at www.twitter.com/valorieburton.